The reason for the last blog was i nearly slipped again tonight. Since about 5pm the voice started and would not shut up nor go away.

By 9pm it was getting the better of me... i couldnt help it. nothing i could do or think would satisfy the craving... and nearly sank. I came 75% close to getting a bag.

At the last moment i forced myself into taking the £10 i had (enough for a bag btw) down to the local off licence and buying a bottle of vodka again.

No valium today which is why maybe since about 5 ive been up/down/crying/drained and just generally feelin like shit and knowing *knowing* the whole time that in 20 mins i could make it all go away.

So its not constant anymore but when it comes it comes on very strongly and is takin every ounce i have to resist.

Oh... and i ate 8 rashers of bacon tonight and one egg... lookin forward to a poop tomorrow (surely my body cant take it all and leave nothing? lol).